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To your son or the daughter it was executed "… nadtsat years", and changes have begun simply cardinal. The ridiculous kid Somewhere has disappeared, which else yesterday enthusiastically told to you about the favourite animated cartoons. Instead there was a teenager, which was very seriously informed today, that by him already enough adult to make independent decisions. Still yesterday it shared all secrets, and today between you as though the wall - at it the world, the friends, the hobbies where to you roads are not present has grown. It can occur for the first time both in eleven, and in fourteen years. But each time an urgency of this fact is unexpectedness for parents who suddenly start to realise, that their child already has almost grown.

The moment from which in your child the teenager wakes up, comes always unexpectedly. But when you have already realised it as the validity, then reconcile, that you are expected some by cheerful years while your child will overcome this enough an uneasy vital stage. At this time it is difficult to parents who need to reconstruct now all system of relations with children, but it is much more difficult to teenagers. After all it is age when you do not know precisely who you are, on what is capable, whom can be. And so it would be desirable to hold the whole world in hands and to live, making of correct decisions to have a number of close people, real friends.

The teenage age is always full contradictions. Right now in the person of the teenager opposite requirements and lines co-exist entirely, in its shower absolutely different emotions rage, even for a day it can change own opinion on cardinally opposite, and some times successively. It is difficult for the child as he, literally this word, searches for itself(himself). Uneasy to accept all these moments especially for parents who the first appear on a hurricane way, a name to which "teenager".

So occurs? The answer idle time - your child, overcoming border between the childhood and an adult life, searches for own way to the world. A way which does not coincide more with representations of parents which will result the yesterday's kid in the future where it will be called as "Adult". This way is responsible, after all it is necessary to overcome inertness of parents which yet do not accept this new "I" of the child, disturbing thoughts and expectations, to understand that occurs in a shower, and to move forward, to the future - to adult decisions, adult acts, adult responsibility, adult relations.

Teenage age name transitive, and sooner or later it expects all families. Therefore do not worry - you in it are not lonely, so, from any situation already someone tried to search for an exit. Certainly, each changes disturb, but, despite of all storms of this age, constants still will have one - the child, as before, requires your love and understanding.

And how all occurs. There are some basic features of teenage age about which it is necessary to know to parents.

Feature the first

Once parents notice, that their son already looks entirely in an adult way. Somehow, having collected the thoughts after comprehension of this fact, they, accordingly, start to make to its entirely adult demands. But more often anything travelling from this does not leave, as the child constantly surprises and even amazes parents with acts which approach the small child more likely, instead of to "such adult guy". It speaks simply - actually social and emotional development of the 13-year-old person not always occurs simultaneously with physical and consequently be frequent entirely adult outwardly the teenager psychologically can still the child. And it is observed also opposite when the child has slower rates of physical and sexual development, but already it is entirely ready to performance of serious adult duties. Such discrepancies often lead to misunderstanding between the teenager and people surrounding it. Parents who expect adult decisions from the son who looks outwardly as the adult man, can be disappointed by its children's acts.

That it is possible to make. Basically, anything especial. Simply wait - will pass a little more time, and your expectations will be rewarded. And the son or the daughter will please you entirely with critical decisions and mature relations.

Feature the second

At the teenager the new image own physical "I" is formed. Intensive physical and sexual development leads to that the body starts to change extremely fast rates. To get used to these changes absolutely uneasy and to adapt to them difficult. It is necessary to reconstruct completely representation about itself. The fairy tale on the disgusting duckling is a story about the teenager. At this age it seems, that "I for ever will remain such thick and slow", that "these spots never will pass". Such heightened interest to physical "I" sometimes get very bright displays. The vicious perception of own external unattractiveness forces the teenager to suffer. He simply revolts, noticing, that appearance for some reason changes, and is far not to the best as it seems to its owner. And, in addition to it, even the nearest people cannot understand sufferings in this occasion. As a result, the girl starts to test on itself various diets, trying to lose "superfluous" weight, and the boy searches for all new "miracle" means from spots. At this age in a geometrical progression interest to own appearance raises, all its lacks - invented are sharply worried more often. For the teenager extremely important as estimate its associates, especially coevals that pours out in painful necessity to correspond to fashionable currents. Its maximalism and enthusiasm for creative searches in change of own kind can sometimes terrify parents and teachers. And during this moment any remark is capable to cause feeling of inferiority and uncertainty in of your fumes.

What it is possible to make? Calm down and be tactful - the teenager very impressionable. Therefore your sneers, and even contemptious statements as more often they are unfair, simply inadmissible. Recollect itself in a youth, probably, you also "were at war" with parents for the right to look how it is pleasant to you. And it is even better, when you will tactfully help the teenager with formation of its image. Remember, the period of creative searches will pass, having left after itself only memoirs on fine times when the question was the most serious vital problem, how many holes to make in an ear, or what colour to paint hair. Your child will mature, and consequently it is very important, that this stage has not left in a shower of an unpleasant deposit in the form of uncertainty in or a low self-estimation.

Feature the third

Consider, that the teenage age is the period crisis and rough. And almost daily parents find acknowledgement of it, observing for the child. Moods of the teenager change, how is the weather. It can be during one moment impetuously cheerful, and in some minutes - sad and disappointed, is closed at itself in a room and does not wish to speak with anybody. It is necessary to get used, that in 13-15 years yours the son or the daughter wander between optimism and pessimism, pleasure and grief, belief and nihilism. And these fluctuations occur often and irrespective of external circumstances. To the teenager and most happens difficultly to understand the reasons of such changes of mood.

It irritates, after all it is impossible to provide, that the child during the following moment "will throw out". For example, it on full force of the young lungs sings any up-to-date smash hit (and at you the quarterly account, is ill a head or you simply hate this song) and for what pas reaction your request "it can be possible more silently?", to foresee difficultly. Torments parent heart and when the son sadly and alone wanders on apartment, arguing like "anybody does not love me …"

What it is possible to make? First of all, have patience (it seems, patience - MAIN virtue which parents of teenagers should own). Do not give in to depressive moods of own child. More often, it passes without serious consequences for both parties. Such mood swings are connected with two factors. The first of them is a physiology. Hormonal and physical reorganisations lead such here to metamorphoses. The second - the same searches of, aspiration to realise own place in the world which are accompanied by alarm, that "I not such, as all" and so it would be desirable to answer "the international standards". Explain to the teenager, that to it occurs, as about what you know also that you expect, it is perceived much easier and easier, than unknown and not clear.

Feature the fourth

Your kid already has grown so, that has started to be interested in questions of a floor, sex and love. And mums with alarm expect, as all will develop further. The alarm grows to unknown borders when they suddenly find at the son in a bedside table erotic magazines or the daughter informs, that today at a valueology lesson studied how correctly to dress a condom. These sensations at parents when the teenager enthusiastically quotes a line from poems on love a little die away or will read to fragments of love correspondence someone from classics. But next day you can casually see, how the daughter kisses the neighbour's boy or to find the son with friends behind viewing of the erotic cartridge on a home video. Than such parental opening come to an end, is well-known - mum drinks validol, the daddy tries to keep step with a belt.

What it is possible to make? Do not lift a panic. This most important thing. Interest which arises at this time at your child, - the phenomenon entirely natural. Certainly, here it is a lot of reefs. You can be anxious, that the daughter or the son will start to learn early too this party of human relations in practice. Your task - to be ready to discussion of any questions of a sexual life with children (it is final, it would be desirable to believe, that you have started to be engaged in sexual education of own children much earlier and at present your child has all most important information necessary for it). But if you are too bashful on these questions coevals will be engaged in formation of the native child, street. And then you will not have any guarantees, that that knowledge will go to it on advantage. Therefore prepare, take itself in hands and start to look through all films which your teenager looks, to discuss with it, that occurs on the screen and in a life too. Do not hasten with an estimation, ask opinion of the child that observe. The daddy should acquaint the son with the basic knowledge of sexual relations with women, and mum - to tell daughters, that can expect it in relations with men.

Feature the fifth

This week he has again fallen in love. You cannot count up these "ljubovi" any more. Each time it for ever, is the real feelings. But, as well as the majority of that occurs at teenage age, these "passions" - are short. Thus, teenage maximalism which forces to search for the unique loyal friend, induces also to find the present love. And one more feature of teenage love is that boys can love and idolise one girl, but "go" (that is to show the relations) absolutely with another.

Sometimes parents are amazed very much with extremely vulgar relation of teenagers to floor and sexuality questions. And it is valid, wonderfully at them indecent conversations are combined with coevals about sexual relations and ideal light representation about the certain person. It also the feature inherent in exclusively teenage age.

What it is possible to make? First of all, the same advice, as earlier, - patience, only patience. And still tactfulness. At this time so it is easily possible to break something light and almost divine, that is born in a shower of your child. For it at a present stage so it is important to learn to build the relation with people of an opposite sex, and a unique real way here - as in swimming - to try it to do. All know to learn to float, it is necessary to float, hence, each new relations is a way to learn about features of different people, to specify own liking. Also leave to your child possibility to come to you to discuss that disturbs him, to cry at you on a shoulder of that "he does not love me", or that "Natasha meets the boy who so is pleasant to me". The first feelings are always painful, and at this age each time seems, that all is irreversible. Be tactful, discussing with teenagers of a problem of sexual relations, and in the future, becoming adults, they can build the contacts on the basis of normal healthy representations about love and sex.

Feature the sixth

Hobby of your fumes at this time - to build theories of an ideal society and to argue on global problems like the Universe origin. Philosophising is an ideal way of free pastime for the teenager. It is ready to discuss hours difficult abstract things about which, basically, knows nothing. And conclusions by which it does, always apply for absolute true. Teenagers often amaze surrounding people with the relation to moral values. That for adults seems correct, possible, at least, comprehensible, for the teenager turns around difficult philosophical searches: they aspire to open the new moral law which will be absolutely true, and cannot agree with that fact that does not exist neither absolute Harm, nor absolute Good, that all in the world intertwines. The youthful maximalism does not allow to accept this fact and to believe, that it is the truth. Parents can complain about such philosophical searches: " Again nonsenses you spin, is better algebra would learn ".

What it is possible to make? Do not hasten with conclusions. At this time at your child the new stage of development of intelligence when abstract it seems more interestingly and more important, than the validity (just because he does not know any restrictions, except logic) and consequently the invention, and then destruction of "universal" laws and theories becomes favourite intellectual game begins. There will pass certain time, and this stage also will end, but your child will rise on the higher step of intellectual development. And can, becomes even to outstanding scientists, how the nobility?

Feature the seventh

The combination of external roughness and internal impressionability is one more feature of teenage age. The parents disturbed by problems of the child, start to show to it special attention. But this attention with a "negative" charge because includes both condemnation, and the simple statement of discontent and concern is frequent. Very often in reply to it the teenager becomes reserved or starts to be rude. It becomes not because he wishes you to offend, - in such a way the teenager tries to protect itself because in another way is not able.

What it is possible to make? Do not force almost adult child to be protected from you, do not forget to praise, notice all successes. If it has made the certain decision and it has appeared the rights, it is necessary to estimate its persistence and independence. Try not to show own advantage, address to the son or the daughter yours faithfully, as to the person equal to. When you are disturbed, razdrazheny, are angry, most likely, behave impulsively and can offend the teenager, at all not wishing it. He will apprehend insult very painfully. Therefore it is necessary to be very tactful. If wish to help the child - advise correct, in your opinion, a decision variant, but tell, that you are assured that it all will understand itself and will make a choice. So you will gain trust and respect of own child and can be assured, that he will listen to your advice.

Feature the eighth

You can irritate, how much often your child changes interests and hobbies. This week it can inform, that wishes to study English language, in three days your son already studies to play a guitar, and next week - is engaged in section of oriental combat sports. Anything terrible - the more it tries, the it will be easier to make then to it a correct choice in the future. Each time when the selected business badly leaves, the majority of teenagers easily and quickly change sphere of interests. What it before, what you have paid for half a year in advance to the tutor on English language?

What it is possible to make? Help the thoughtless child to choose employment which will be to it on forces. Perhaps to you will carry, and you can avoid its frequent change enough taki expensive hobbies, and, at the same time, it will have a confidence of own forces and possibilities.

Feature the ninth

Your child, probably, already has absolutely disappeared from the house. Means, that he spends much more time with friends, instead of with you. We hope, you are not injured by this desire of the teenager to be more with coevals, after all at this age dialogue with similar is especially important. It is a way to learn to build the relation in the world on equal, and still - possibility to learn through a prism of contacts to other people. Often these relations bring huge emotional experiences. To teenagers happens very difficult to sustain mad pressure of new feelings, desires, at it cultural norms of behaviour for the present are not fulfilled, self-checking is insufficiently developed.

What it is possible to make? Your understanding, tactful advice, frank conversation in new emotionally difficult situations for the teenager are simply invaluable. Be ready to listen to the child always. Give to its advice, but let behind it there is a right to take advantage of it or not.

The teenager is a traveller who goes on a way from the Childhood country to an adult life, and should realise, who it such where is and where follows. And influence of parents at this stage will be mediocre more because on the first place relations with coevals and the whole world around act. And if the teenager, thanks to parents, has already developed trust to the world, independence, confidence and enterprise its chances of finding own answers to all questions, considerably grow. And then it will come in a terminal point of the travel as the independent, responsible person, capable to adjust the relation, to make mature decisions, to build and change own life.